I love my kids.
Sometimes it seems as though I have to keep telling myself this. I do, in fact, love my children and I am very blessed and lucky to have them, but sometimes it seems as though the people who Mommy and Daddy really are get lost in the shuffle of changing diapers, and putting Thomas the Train on the television, and making bottles and cups of chocolate milk. I’ve said it on here before, and most likely, I’ll say it again: Being a parent is hard. It’s by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I used to think that marriage was hard, but since we have had Grayson, and especially Jackson, we don’t even have time for our marriage to be hard anymore. Even when the wife and I fight, it doesn’t last long because of the pressing needs of Thing 1 and Thing 2.
It’s a rare occurrence when Mommy and Daddy get to “get away” from the boys for a while, and I have found that when we do, it’s increasingly harder to connect with each other. It seems that all of our conversations revolve around the kiddos and, to an extent, that’s the way it should be. My real concern is that I don’t want us to lose track of the person we married. Everyone changes and I want to be able to keep up with the changes she goes through so that we can continue to be rock solid.
I feel like our marriage is stronger than ever, but there’s always the selfish desire I have to want to sit in my office and write. Or watch a Nascar race without interruption. Or play an Xbox game. My problem is that these things are alone time for me. It’s nice to zone out and reflect on what’s going on in my life. Watching 43 cars going 200 miles per hour in circles for 3 ½ hours lets me do this. The struggle is that it’s not fair to her. She should get alone time too, but she should also get more attention form me instead of constantly doting on her husband and children.
To me, no matter how good things are in my life, there’s always room for improvement. Trying to balance my marriage and family and my job and my hobbies and my dreams is really challenging. I’m not willing to give up any of them – except the work thing which I hope to replace with the dreams - so I know that I’m going to have to take the time to reflect on my strengths and weaknesses and a husband and father. It’s important to know when we do something right and when we just plain suck at something, but if you’re anything like me, I’d rather tell myself than hear it from someone else.